When Mustard Orange Tights Take the Stage

The thing about Iceland... the shopping is ... it fucking sucks.

I am in dire need of some retails therapy truth be told. My closet is being recycled over and over and I'm coming close to burning every sock I own (I love fun socks and the ones I own are quickly losing their appeal). Anyhow, I have done a lot of searching for online shops that ship from China (we have some free-trade agreement here that only requires us to pay a VLT tax)... still .. tax is tax.

I need a good 4 days home to just shop at winners and drink Starbucks. And buy razors. And pain killers and antacids cause those just are not available over the counter.

Christ- I sound like an old woman.

Gone... but never Forgotten

Jeff.

I never knew you. Never met you. I know a little about you though. You were a fantastic writer. You made two beautiful children. You have a gorgeous wife. A family who loves you and a brother who misses you something fierce. You left this earth far too soon. The people who knew and loved you wish for only a split second more. But... your time was up. Your expiration stamp was due and it was far too soon then anyone ever expected.

I often think you Jeff when Im reflecting on life and the direction it's taking. I think of your children who will remember you and turn to their family for more memories as their own become slightly cloudy. I then hope and pray that I've made memories to last a lifetime with my own children and I hope that my family and friends would do the same for me if I were in your wings. I then stop myself because I become terribly teary eyed as I think...time... it's never enough.

I then become reflective on my path in life.... in 10 years from now will I be happy being in the place I am now? In a year from now? In 4 hours from now. The answer is.... one can never know as one is forever evolving. BUT... I have a strong hunch it will be even better.

Jeff- thank you for motivating me to chose to live my moments with zest and fire. To love fiercely and to the fullest capacity. When I say I will do something- I mean it. When I want something I go after it. People always ask ' what's the hurry- there's time'.... I then whisper to myself...'perhaps not' as I recall your story. 

Thank you Jeff for teaching me to see the value in life and allowing me to not take advantage of the time I have. Thank you for opening my eyes to my OWN world and letting me see just how amazing it is.

Frustration

Im never usually one to complain nor am I one to voice concerns over my problems. Perhaps, that being said, is the problem.

Anyhow- today was a shit day. A toss up. My best friends brothers died a year ago and I wanted to be there for him... and I couldn't.  I fell completely ill at work causing me to run home to visit the WC for an extended time, I had a meeting from hell, my workout was shit and I never saw the boyfriend. Oh- and to top it all off... I think I was the crankiest woman on the island. I will blame that on my PMS.

Regardless- despite my shitty day I know one thing went well....
I got a kiss from my sweet little girls and she told me how much she loved me.

Emma- my love- you melt my heart.
......

An update... shortly after writing this the was a knock at my door. Turns out there were two best parts....

Cleaning Out the Emotional Rubbish

 I was once told that I was dragging quite a large suitcase full of.... emotional baggage. He said that I don't cut the strings of communication to people who no longer hold value in my life or care for me in the way they should. You know- this person was right. 

A close friend just ended a relationship because her significant other couldn't move on from his past and now she is deeply hurt and trying to move on. She felt second best. Inferior. Second-Rate. 

That got me thinking... who is still at the back of the burner... lingering. Sending random facebook messages or texts? People who I shut the door on but still allow to knock? 

 I never want to be in the position where I would hurt someone because I couldn't "let go" of the past. So- I took action and cleaned house. Got rid of all the baggage that lay on my doorstep.  

Good god what a liberating feeling.

Beautiful Silence

There is a couple in the corner at the coffee shop.

 They are obviously in love. 

The way she looks at him. The way he touches her cheek- The curve of her mouth turns up and her eyes grow brighter. He takes her hand and they are lost in each other. There are almost no words exchanged between the two. They are simply soaking in each others presence. He reaches over, caresses her cheek and kisses her deeply. Their eyes are locked and her hand touches his thigh and gives a slight squeeze. She gives him a devilish grin. He raises his eyebrows. She giggles a little. They are remembering the previous night. They are like this for about 20 min. The communication between the two of them is far more powerful than any verbal exchange. It is incredibly alluring and I find myself immersed in their world for a brief period. 

Incredible how powerful a connection can be based purely on acts of encoding and decoding wordless cues. 

"Run" - Matt Nathanson ft. Sugarland (Cover by Ja…: http://youtu.be/wgS2Ga4o1Bw

Cause Hes got passion in his WHAT!?!

What Every Woman Wants

Checking in on the List.....

....revised. ... again...

1. Quadruple Syked Photography regarding production and amount of photos on site- Get Noticed- Grow the Business. Be recognized in the photo world.
2. Gymnastics- Gym Ops. Gym Momentum Canada. MAKE IT HAPPEN.
3. Waterton-  trek Crypt lake and Red Rock canyon....***revised**** hot spring
4. GM Camp- Bring a team- increase enrollment and make a change in some inter city kids lives
5. Sell my condo and relocate.
7. Shoot with Grace Chiu again
8. Buy a new lens- fisheye. And maybe just maybe a camera bag. SIGH
9. Road trip to the coast (doesn't matter which one)
10. An Iceland fishing trip!
11. Fall in love
12. Paint more!
13. Do another cover on guitar and piano. Not simultaneously though
14. Attend 1 hockey game, one opera and one concert15. Touch the ocean- again
16. Teach the kids to ski.17. Spend some quality time with the big G-Ma. 
18. Remember to let those close to me know how much I love and appreciate them more often
19. DANCE LESSONS!!!!
20. Watch a LIVE football game
21. To jump off a bridge into the sea ...:)
22. Create an art piece for the home that doesn't resemble something my 6 year olds made
23. Pull an all nighter and feel good the next day (ie. Spectate and observe)
24. Give up banana chips
25. Make waves in IG.
26. design something that doesnt cause concern.
27. Become the main supplier for a equipment company in Iceland.
28. See europe. If only just a little bit.
29. Cycle 20 km in under 25 min.
30. Hiking trek that doesnt include lava underfoot... 

Dating: Action Speak Loudly. So Do Words

Here we go again. At this point I could start writing a book on the topic. I had a thought that recently hit me square in the face. A logical explanation why people perhaps are so frustrated with the 'process'.

Plain and simple- we have stopped listening to our hearts. 

I believe in a way we have become so confused of what we think we should require that we have muted the basic primal instinct on laws of attraction. Gone is the simplicity of it all. We now question what our hearts truly desire.

See the law of attraction goes like this:

Man likes WOMAN
Woman like MAN
They communicate.

This magical word. COMMUNICATE. Perhaps I blame social media (yes-you read that right - means of communication that perhaps kills communication!?!?!?). I blame the social standards set by the media. The articles and books on how to 'land' your potential signifigant other.The GAMES that are to be played. The many options in which we can meet people (now there is online dating, speed dating, hook ups, match makers, facebook, chat rooms (this I WILL blog about later), etc, etc) are ever evolving and we decide to engage in many of these methods at once. OH the CONFUSION!!!! We have many choices available yet half the time we don't know ourselves what we want anymore because it has been engrained in our heads that we should always be looking for the next best thing. We fail to listen to our basic instincts and what are bodies are telling us we truly want.  We question the 'process' and enter into this rat race of always looking for better. We are constantly being told to not be satisfied. To keep shopping. Yes. SHOPPING.

There is a flip side to this....a positive however.

I have also learned  a very valuable lesson which is when someone is ready to settle into a relationship and they have been through this experience (like i have) or are just one of those lucky few who have ignored all the aboved stated bullshit and are just going purely based on the experience placed in front of them they will generally be very forward and persue what they want with maximum effort. Hopefully- they will meet someone who is willing to do the same thus avoiding the game playing. No question or doubting.  I have read so many articles about how to win a guy over or how to capture his heart.... but after 'practicing' all these various suggestions I realized one thing: I learned that if the other person is not putting in the effort to capture your heart like you are..... move on.

When you want something bad enough- you chase it. Just like your life goals or dreams. If the conncection is strong enough both parties will persue it with maximum effort. There won't be doubt. 

I also don't wait around any longer. I simply wish to have my efforts reciprocated. I am very open with my feelings and forward with what I want (look how many times have I wrote about it!). If a man is failing to display interest then I WON'T wait for a text or for him to ask me out again. Out of sight is simply out of mind at this point.It's difficult to aquire adult time so when someone doesn't exercise effort I simply refuse to waste anymore of my energy on them. When I meet someone, tell them how I feel and then there is little given back I simply assume they are not interested, shrug my shoulders, say good luck and move on.

I am just not playing the 'Game' anymore. I truly know what I want and if that other person doesn't or isn't returning the desire....well....I know they simply are not right for me...

Love this.

Sam Smith - Stay With Me (Alex G Acoustic Cover): http://youtu.be/BZ0fJhNcB40

BPOMD

A roof top coffee and people watching.

Life is getting grander each day.

Insert good feeling here

Sometimes a simple brush on the arm or smile with the eyes can make your heart skip into next week.

:)

Just saying.