With a brisk step forward she stepped into a heaven she never knew she was already in.
A sobriety that welcomed her with open arms and a warm embrace.
A calmness that covered her soul and woke her from the inside out.
She was finally home.

Turn The Page

It's been one hell of a storm. The clouds are clearing, the sun is piercing through and there is an extra bright rainbow shining brightly over the horizon. 

This next chapter- It's going to be incredible. There has been 37 chapters thus far. With those there has been buckets of tears spilled over many, many pages but with that has bloomed many branches that has enticed a ridiculous amount of inner growth.

Time to bloom,baby.  

The Low Down on Not Being A Shitty Person

Yup, we need this. Our generation needs this. It's like we've entered into this vortex of assholes and we cannot seem to pull ourselves out.

So, here goes: How to Not be Shitty:

1. Be Present, Stop talking and Fucking Listen. Just LISTEN.

2. Ego get Lost

3. Don't close your Dome to the Lesson (really, you can learn something from anything....)

4. Be Unequivocally Positive. That's Right- even if someone pisses in your Cheerios- be glad it wasn't on the floor, smile and get a new bowl.

5. Don't spread shit. No one likes a gossip- so don't sprinkle it around like fairy dust because chances are it will just fall upon you. When you see the dust flying, grab a vacuum.

6. Be more DEFINITE with your words. Own your decisions and opinions.

7. Tell a good story without harming someone.

8. Help. Just fucking help. Open the door, help Janet with her groceries, save a whale. Helping others creates the cool pay it forward effect.

9. Give Back- No really- drop your change in the donation bucket, give your sandwich to wondering Mitch, donate to the children's hospital. Whatever. 

9.5 Love without reservation and dedication. Love your family. Love your spouse. Love you friends but also your enemy’s (even though that’s really hard).  Because with love- comes peace. 

10. Stop cussing. It creates a fucking hostile environment. 

The Blanket

This blanket it covers the parts of me
The details fade in the dark
However-They are still there
The memories itch under the wool
Reminding me
The struggle to escape the heat.
The unbearable itchy heat
It's unpleasant torment
I struggle in this tent to find that spot
It's almost in my reach and if I can just...
just...just.... just reach my nails so it would disappear.
Poof like Magic

Tragedy

Time it's a precious thing. We are reminded though various different events. Births, graduations, marriages, birthdays and then....death.

Yesterday I received a massive reminder.

My previous husbands brother and his 6 year old son were taken tragically in a canoe accident with another friend and his son this past weekend.

Conor was so full of life and ambition. He had spunk. He had laughter built into him. He was an honest man who told it how it was. Nothing was sugar coated. He was a prankster and made sure whatever he was doing always included some level of fun.

My heart breaks for his wife and little girl. Lindsay was his other half. I cannot imagine the agony that she must be going through. The pain. 

My boys will miss getting to know their Uncle Conor or Cousin Liam better. 

I thought last night as I was reading the article yet again how just in a blink your path can take such a different turn in yet a fraction of a second. 

Cherish those moments and live to the fullest- I know Conor did that. 

May both Liam and Conor rest peacefully. 

❤

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/fatal-canoe-trip-thompson-manitoba-1.4127497

A song of Good Advice...

The Many Reasons Why I love Svavar Knutur 

Invasion of Privacy

You know I really should become a dating detective. I have just come to discover (via IP address detection (complete with screen shots!) and Facebook that an individual close to me has an EX (whom is remarried) who is reading all of their Facebook messages and snooping around their personal life as well as others.....

So is this an Invasion of Privacy ??

By LEGAL DEFINITION...' one who intentionally intrudes, physically or otherwise, upon the seclusion of another or his private affairs or concerns, is subject to liability to the other for invasion of privacy, if the invasion would be highly offensive to a reasonable person."

So-It sure is an invasion of privacy and  shows the level of class someone has when they log into their Ex's Facebook in order to gain information for god only knows what reason.

Perhaps someone should contact your spouse to discuss ways in which they should try to reason with you and perhaps they should speak with your spouse about extending more attention towards you because clearly you're not getting enough entertainment in your own life.

Or,perhaps, you should start an Apology because god only knows their are two people who are mighty angry.

This summer

I shall fall asleep under the stars in the back of a pick up, on a mattress, with my sleeping bag, listening to the crickets chirp and the owls hoot. I shall wake up to a sunrise and be reminded life is absolutely magnificent. 

Thanks Sign Guys

I drive past this sign on a daily basis. I aways get excited when I see that the quote has changed. I noticed yesterday that this was the new one... 

To The Man Who Checked Out On His "Step Child"

I write this in anger and in haste. Part of me feels like I should stop now while I am ahead however we are speaking of a little girl and the long lasting effects one adults choice will have on her.

From the age of 2 my ex had been in Emma's life. When she was 3 she started calling him dad. He was her dad. She knew at a very young age she had a biological dad whom she saw from time to time however- this man whom she called dad- was her dad.

When we separated in 2012- Emma still called this man dad. She still spent time equally with him. Then- we had to move. Not by choice. I had to go where the work was. Emma came with me. The boys stayed with David and visited me. The moment we had to leave the city that both parents shared- he checked out. He stopped calling. He made no plans. He and his girlfriend were pregnant and decided that they were going to go off in the sunset without Emma in their lives.

Right before we returned back into the country in 2015 I asked Emma's "Dad" if she could spend time with him- he wanted to leave it to the courts. Court wasn't until November. Then December. Then January. Then April... Two years went by where her "Dad" cut off all communication and a simple hello and hug was exchanged whenever she saw him at pick up and drop offs with her brothers.

2 years to Date and still- this little girl yearns for her Dad.

This last week- The courts saw her 'Dad' and deemed him just as that. He may not have a drop of biological ties with Emma however- he was her parent and is now considered such and is being held responsible for acting as such. I asked specifically for a parenting agreement. Me. The opposing party. Wanting her 'Dad' to spend time with her. This is usually not the situation in a court room.

The court asked if he wanted time with his little girl.
He never answered.
The Justice asked if he ever loved this little girl.
His response.... 'sure'.
His lack of response sent shock waves through the judge, the security guard and the stenographer. All of us stared at him in hopes of the right answer. All the judge could say was he was shocked and shook his head in disbelief.

After some time-His lawyer stated "Mr.Sykes would NOT like time with Emma"
My tears flooded the desk. The judge let out a disappointed sigh and the security guards mouth dropped.

Now, I have to explain to my little girl why, in her words, 'No one wants to be her Dad'.

I, myself, struggle to understand. I struggle to accept that someone can just hit the eject button after 10 of being in a relationship with a child based on distance. But, it's now not the task at hand. I don't need to understand. I need to look forward.

There is no looking back now. I spend each day loving her as much as possible. I spend each day telling my daughter that she is wanted and that she has people in her life who want and love her....

LOVE IT!

Words are Just Words

There are so many words that fill our world. Sometime these words resonate and dance between our ears. It's up to us to find the meaning. It's up to ourselves to create understanding and passion behind these words. It's about finding your own meanings, your own voices and convey the message in which we have found that binds the words and emotions together.

Lets illustrate this:

'I LOVE YOU'

These three words.

We disentangle these words and exemplify them based on the emotions that are centered and united to them. We tell our friends we love them. We tell our siblings we love them. When we are in love, we tell the person who influences the sensation of  'love'.  We say we love a painting, a song, a place. It is the same phrase. But it is used in different forms.

Words in the end, are just that.

What makes words so powerful however is not just the statements or emotions behind them, but also- the actions.

You can proclaim your love to someone or something but validation is often what confirms and ties the emotions and words together.

MY Dear Grandmother

She let me lick the spoon from the cookie batter--- shhh... dont tell your mother she would say.
She surpassed the red lights and would say "it was green wasnt it?"
She NEVER TOLD me to clean my room, only pushed my mess back in and shake her head.
She gave me a 10pm curfew and told me I had to pay rent. She taught me to be responsible.
She would tell me when I looked ridiculous and would never hesitate to let me know when my actions were less than favorable.
She smiled at me and told me she only made beautiful children and then in turn- made beautiful grandbabies.
She held my hand and walked me down the aisle when I married.
She held my hand and told me things would be ok when it didnt work out.
She warned me of the cruel world we live in and the stupid decisions we make to make it so cruel.
She told me- The squeaky wheel gets the greese and yet... its sometimes better to stay silent and endure and learn....
She once told me that god owed her 2 babies and he gave them to her.
She had a near death experience and was pissed she had to come back to this life.
She is one of the bravest persons I have known. She is an incredible woman and a I cannot thank my lucky stars for the opportunity this universe has given me to have her in my life.

Yesterday- she was given a time stamp. A ticking clock.
Yesterday- she threw it on the floor and told it to screw off.

Yesterday, My Grandmother was told she has terminal cancer.
Yesterday, she refused to accept that one little mass in her cavity could turn into a death sentence.
Yesterday, she affirmed again why she is Batman undercover.

I love this woman with all my heart.

https://goo.gl/photos/HxquNyxVgH34zt5q6

Appropriate Material

Listen to Free freakin fallin by Rebecca Schmal #np on #SoundCloud https://soundcloud.com/rebecca-schmal/free-freakin-fallin