Oct 13th, 2013 @ 09:27 pm › Tony Retrosi
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Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Friday, October 25, 2013
Thank You October
WOW! I cannot believe October is almost gone. I have to admit- this was a challenging month. With the Opera consuming most of my evenings, the Heart Gallery eating up most mornings and then on top of that training there has been little down time. I have done a tremendous amount of growing however.
The opera was my saving grace even if the schedule was insane. I made many new friends and I am playing a new role that really allows to express myself and let go. At dress rehearsal last night I had the pleasure of really connecting with the music- it was very cathartic in a way. I am so looking forward to the next 3 performances and really diving in.
The heart foundation is another story. The kids were amazing. Heart breaking however. I wanted to take most of those kids home. Each child had a story to tell. Each child has so many obstacles they have to over come and my hope is that those obstacles will be lessened with a permanent placement. I hope that I can at least have some part in that with the photos I took. My wish is that some how a family will see if only one of these children and make a better life for them.
Relationships- I have done almost a complete month of 'just rediscovering me'. I didn't realize just how much that was needed. I learned A LOT.
I have recognized just how little value I was placing on myself and what I deserve. That sounds horrible. I know I put up with too much bullshit in the past. Trusted too easily. Trust is something that is earned- not a free pass to anyone who wishes to have it. I also now realize that protecting my heart is essential. I fell to hard, to fast, to quickly. This doesn't mean I have constructed my own version of the great wall around it- I just don't let any and everyone play with it anymore. I believe the correct term would be- BOUNDARIES. Yes- there are more clear and defined boundaries now.
I also got a reminder. A reminder that life is far too short. It passes by too quickly at a rate that no one can change. There is no knowing when it will end. When your time is essentially- over. I watch a family agonize and mourn over a brother, a son, a father, a husband, a man that left this lifetime too early. I hear the pain and its heart breaking. There is no time stamp- no clock to count down to. One can only savor the moments and appreciate each breathe there is to take. That being said- I have made a conscious effort to live more with an increased appreciation. To soak up those special moments and dive into the opportunities as they come with less reservation (of course- with the proper boundaries in place because god only knows- life is too short also to waste time as well!). To reach harder for those goals. To not fear the chance of failure or success because - well, it happens.
Time for me to finish off this month with a Bang.
NOW- Go buy your damned Opera tickets. And don't forget to bring in a few small bottles of Gin. Or vodka. Or whatever the hell is your preference.
Till next time.
XOXOX
Friday, October 18, 2013
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
I Promise...
Please follow the link...
10/13/2013 Today at 12:30 PM my youngest brother JEFFERY EDMONDS lost his battle with cancer.
I think this a good reminder for everyone, especially when we get stuck in the toxic pattern of wishing we were different or more like so-and-so, that many of our personality traits and preferences seem to be hardwired from a very young age, and that’s pretty cool.
You can be smart, cultured, and mature, and still think nothing in the world is funnier than a poop joke. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my three smart, funny, well-informed, sensitive, thoughtful brothers, it’s that there is no shame in scatological humor. Jeff, specifically, is capable of discussing the nuances of philosophical belief systems, building a super computer, and writing a dystopian novel, and he still cracks up at the mere mention of the words “poop” or “butt.” The lesson here? Let your poop joke flag fly!
Appreciate Nature. No one I know had a bigger and better appreciation of the world around him. Spot the natural beauty of the mountains, t
LAUGH at yourself. At Thanksgiving one year in front of the entire family and his girlfriend (soon to be fiancee) I managed to spill my entire plate of food onto my lap. I was horrified. Our eyes made contact and we both just started laughing. Sometimes in life things are going to be messy and not go the way you want. Laugh at it and move on. Today- just about the time of Jeff’s last breath, I dropped a potato on the floor in a restaurant. I said, “that one’s for Jeff.”
Stop procrastinating. When Jeff first moved with his family to Maine from St. Louis my wife went up to help paint some rooms in his house. They were up nearly all night painting and Jeff spoke of his goal of writing a novel. His time on this planet expired before he was able to finish. Get off your ass and finish your goals. Jeff was a writer.
He always wanted to write a novel. He just ran out of time. We have have things we wanted to do but come up with excuses on why we can’t do it.
This moment is your life.– Your life is not between the moments of your birth and death. Your life is between now and your next breath. The present – the here and now – is all the life you ever get. So live each moment in full, in kindness and peace, without fear and regret. And do the best you can with what you have in this moment; because that is all you can ever expect of anyone, including yourself.
I have just learned that A lifetime isn’t very long.– This is your life, and you’ve got to fight for it. Fight for what’s right. Fight for what you believe in. Fight for what’s important to you. Fight for the people you love, and never forget to tell them how much they mean to you. Realize that right now you’re lucky because you still have a chance. So stop for a moment and think. Whatever you still need to do, start doing it today. There are only so many tomorrows.
“Even the strong show signs of fatigue.” Friedrich Nietzsche
My brother said this to me once. At the moment, I have a deep and un-abiding understanding of it.
Chris, Thom, JEFF, Tony
Things I’ve earned from my brother Jeffery Lee Edmonds
People don’t actually change that much. Since Jeff was younger than me, I got to see him grow up a little. Obviously he’s changed a lot. But in many ways, he’s also very much the same. The sensitive, gentle demeanor he’s had since he was younger never left him. He’s always had a dry sense of humor, a deep love of food, an infectious laugh, and a tendency to get lost in his own world.I think this a good reminder for everyone, especially when we get stuck in the toxic pattern of wishing we were different or more like so-and-so, that many of our personality traits and preferences seem to be hardwired from a very young age, and that’s pretty cool.
You can be smart, cultured, and mature, and still think nothing in the world is funnier than a poop joke. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my three smart, funny, well-informed, sensitive, thoughtful brothers, it’s that there is no shame in scatological humor. Jeff, specifically, is capable of discussing the nuances of philosophical belief systems, building a super computer, and writing a dystopian novel, and he still cracks up at the mere mention of the words “poop” or “butt.” The lesson here? Let your poop joke flag fly!
Appreciate Nature. No one I know had a bigger and better appreciation of the world around him. Spot the natural beauty of the mountains, t
LAUGH at yourself. At Thanksgiving one year in front of the entire family and his girlfriend (soon to be fiancee) I managed to spill my entire plate of food onto my lap. I was horrified. Our eyes made contact and we both just started laughing. Sometimes in life things are going to be messy and not go the way you want. Laugh at it and move on. Today- just about the time of Jeff’s last breath, I dropped a potato on the floor in a restaurant. I said, “that one’s for Jeff.”
Stop procrastinating. When Jeff first moved with his family to Maine from St. Louis my wife went up to help paint some rooms in his house. They were up nearly all night painting and Jeff spoke of his goal of writing a novel. His time on this planet expired before he was able to finish. Get off your ass and finish your goals. Jeff was a writer.
He always wanted to write a novel. He just ran out of time. We have have things we wanted to do but come up with excuses on why we can’t do it.
No excuses, promise me you will follow through with your goals.
Jeff
I have just learned that A lifetime isn’t very long.– This is your life, and you’ve got to fight for it. Fight for what’s right. Fight for what you believe in. Fight for what’s important to you. Fight for the people you love, and never forget to tell them how much they mean to you. Realize that right now you’re lucky because you still have a chance. So stop for a moment and think. Whatever you still need to do, start doing it today. There are only so many tomorrows.
I stand upon the ocean shore.
As a ship at my side opens her sail
to the morning breeze and begins to glide
across the water blue.
She is a beautiful sight.
I stand and watch her as she glides
with grace and strength into the clouds
on the horizon.
Just where the sky and the ocean meet
and come to mingle with one another.
When I hear someone cry out,
“She is gone.” and I must turn and say to them,
“Yes, but gone only from sight.”
For within the mind and heart she can always
be found.
For life is eternal,
Love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon,
and a horizon is nothing save the limits of our sight.
And, just at the moment when someone says, “There, she is gone,”
there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, “Here she comes!”
And that is dying…
Death comes in its own time, in its own way.
Death is as unique as the individual experiencing it.
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Happy Fall!
I just finished a shoot down at the legislature building...its amazing down here! If you get a chance to take a walk I highly suggest it!
To my Best Friend
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6kEh0ichiI&feature=youtube_gdata_player
For Jeff.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Morning Shenanigans at GLF
At the gym right now- my bike is having a full blown temper tantrum because its telling me I'm supposedly under my minimum RPM's. I keep swearing at the damn thing because my legs are telling me this cannot be the case as they are on fire today.
The dude next to me. 2 things. No deodarant and hes got a severe case of halitosis so his panting is unbearable. The best I can describe it is wind coming from a feed lot. Yes. That's a great description. I wish my olfactory nerves would calm the hell down if only for 30 more minutes.
There is a person on a stairmaster in front of me. Im trying to decided if its male or female. Clearly if female she's on a high dosage of steroids. I'm thinking its female (it has a ponytail under the hat). I'm a little scared.
There is an overly enthusiastic personal trainer working with his client. He's doing the "ya, push it. Oh ya, that's it. Come on- one more. One more... yesssssss........" you can imagine just how hard I am working to contain myself.
Beep. Beep.
Yes, I know. Back to work tells my bike....
Ciao for now!
Tuesday, October 08, 2013
Muscial Orgasm
Music. AHHHH- Music. I cannot imagine a world without it. Music has the ability to move me in so many different ways. I can hear a song that reminds me of someone and be completely turned on or off by it. I can hear a classical piece and be totally brought into a state of clarity and zen. And then there is music that can make me run in the opposite direction as fast as possible.
This piece- is beyond beautiful....
This piece- is beyond beautiful....
Come With Me
Look on forward
Hope to see more
Hope to see more
When I peak through the window
Of a solid oak door
Of a solid oak door
Nothing you say, nothing at all
You say there is nothing behind this wall
I know what's to be, I know in my heart
I point myself in the direction to start
I shall climb. Or demolish. I will break it down.
This door may be locked but Ill find my way 'round
Doubt ahead, don't believe, its ok
Ill show you your wrong, then lead you the way
Sunday, October 06, 2013
Saturday, October 05, 2013
She's Too Young
Don't hate me because I've made mistakes and am less adoptable.
Love me because I need you.
Love me because I need you.
T.reTroSi.
Heart Gallery Tugging Away
Today I met Christian.
He is 8 years old.
He has a horse named Andy.
A foster brother named Jonathan.
We played bears and
Today- I received 5 hugs from a little boy
who "doesn't hug"
Today- Christian and I danced in the leaves,
played hide and go seek, we raced down the path (where I graciously lost)
Today- I hope I made a good memory for this young lad.
Friday, October 04, 2013
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Say'n It All
I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But you don't believe me
I meant all the things I said
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
This place seems so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
I feel no one can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
.........................................................Thanks T.
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But you don't believe me
I meant all the things I said
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
This place seems so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
I feel no one can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have
If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own
.........................................................Thanks T.
Wednesday, October 02, 2013
FAKE iT.
Somtimes, I will choose to be awesome even when I don't really want to be. My want eventually follows my actions though. :)
So when shit doesn't go your way, force your chin up, put a smile on your face and fake it for a while. Eventually you will start to believe this little stunt you are pulling is not really a stunt at all...
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