Lies only Bring out The Sleeping Dragon

I am often an optomostic and positive person. I generally thrive off of this.

However...

I am a Taurus. When someone fucks with my life and career my head goes down and I charge at whatever may threaten.

I often put on a brave front and seem ruthless and unforgiving...

But when the battle goes dormant.... my heart bleeds and the tears stroll. I recover in time to restart the battle the next day.

I refuse to lose when I know Ive been wronged. When Im wrong - I gracefully admit it.

There are 2 people in my who are challenging me to battle right now. Little do they comprehend that I am one persistant bitch when I have to be.

Trapped

I was an extra in this little TV series here Iceland. It was a great opportunity and I had a blast. I also made a few new friends. I am hoping to get more involved in the future....

We shall see what happens.

Inferiority is a complex matter...

I put in my 3 months resignation yesterday.

Yes. I did it. 

Why?

Well the moment I started to doubt how good I really am at my career I realized that I was allowing others opinions who have no knowledge of the sport to affect my confidence. I was allowing naive and uneducated individuals words to have a profound effect on my person. I was essentially making myself inferior. 

This- is just not allowed.

I may continue to reside in Iceland. I will continue to coach gymnastics. I will continue to love life - I just am now on a different path. 

The glorious part is... the moment I sent that email resigning... a profound feeling of liberation washed over me and I went into work with such a weight off my shoulders. I know this was the right decision. 

On Set..Last Shoot:(

Last shoot with RVK. studios and the show Trapped!

I have so far been able to sleep for 2 hours on set and.I also managed to play and win 5 games of Olson.

I will be sad when this all ends as its been fabulous and the people are great!

Make a wish

No title needed...

I never want to hurt anyone.
I will sacrafice my own happiness just to be sure of this.

Even when someone you love hurts you beyond what you thought was ever possible.
I still do not want to hurt anyone.
I don't have the energy.

I will say this...

How people deal with hardships can have a starkingly clear indication of perhaps where their heart truly was the whole time.

... adding Salt.....

The moment when you actually feel the pain in your chest from seeing or hearing something that actually breaks your heart even more....

It's amazing how one 'like' on facebook can make you feel like you've been kicked in the stomach while you're down.

I deliberately went off of facebook so I could have some silence. And think. And then a 'friend' decides to text me about whos doing what... thanks for that 'friend'....

Best Part of My Freaking Day

It will be when I fall asleep...

Why?

Because it hurts a lot less when I sleep....

Missing My Little Men...

I forgot about this!

How cute is he!
Gosh how I miss my boys :(

Silence- A Warm Welcome

Facebook is.... on hiatus.

I usually don't shut it up unless I have loads on my mind- and well- that's about accurate. Blogging will have to become an outlet of sorts- a distraction.

I care not to even discuss whats whirling around in my ever busy head- that is a far too personal matter for even here.

So--- I will chatter away.... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...



I always seem to be on the subject of... Life... ugh... Im just irritated the thought of blogging yet again about it. So... I will choose a subject. One with substance. One with.... excitement.
... ... ... ... ... ... ...

shit.

Creativity is completely on a hiatus as well I see.
Gosh.

Stumped.

Lets All Take a Moment

Too often we are busy in the bustle. Caught up in our own problems.

We dont look around us and see others struggle too. They have it just as hard. Some have it even harder.

On my new journey of sharing and loving on others I came across a couple with a baby at my local coffee house.

They ordered their coffee. The child was upset. Crying. Mom was stressed and dads shoulders where hung in defeat. They were simply exhausted.

The house was full except a little corner by the window with two bar stools.

I couldn't very well keep sitting at my booth with 3 empty seats in front of me (much to the gentleman's dismay sitting next to me as he made an extra effort to move all his shit just so I could spread out in my work space).

So I approached the defeated couple and said "please, take my spot- you clearly need it more than I".... they began to say "Nei....".. I stopped them, pointed at the little boy who's fallen tears had since stopped out of curiosity and said "he told me he specifically wanted to sit there".

The mother smiled and proceeded and the dad thanked me 3 times.


Today- I managed to make a families life a little less hectic.

... random act number 1.....

A New Bucket to Go With a List

I am still compiling my bucket list... but...

This year... the bucket list will still have its usual milestone but in addition to that I want to accomplish something a little more personal. This section of the bucket list is about experiencing each day with thoughtful and selfless acts. Acts that impact the lives of others. Acts that will make tiny waves in our somewhat rugged path on which we are on called "life" that perhaps cause a positive rippling effect making waves.

For example:

I want to show Emma that in life you must be compassionate. To be giving and sincere and to share happiness with others. My hope is that if she can have more of an understanding of this she will then go forth and mirror this learned behavior to others.
I want to show my children that saying your sorry is followed by a responsibility to act on these words to ensure any wrongdoing is avoided in the future.
I wish to show more kindness and generosity with the people whom I interact with.
I want them to feel the need to do this as well- thus- paying it forward.
I want to show the world what it looks like from my eyes.
And most of all- I want nothing more than a full heart.