Clutter

I needed silence. So I went off the grid today.

Everything seems to just be overly loud and overbearing right now.

Really- I just want my best friend, a stiff glass of the Zen, a collection of bad movie to warch a couple of asprin for the next morning. Maybe even a bag of skittles ( I hate skittles but the word is a fun one).

I want answers and in time that will come.... can anyone direct me to the remote where the fast forward button is....

'I WANNA BE SEDATED' and Other Songs Skipping Through My Head

Im waiting ever so patiently for the doctor (whom bt the way is a fantastic Asian connection if I want to get on a soft ball team- he reminds me of this every visit). I am the patient who always has to be told to 'hop on up'. I try to avoid the table as much as possible. The table represents the thousands of patients before me who have parked their naked asses on the same exact bench.

Shiver.

The thought makes me wonder if I should be asking for a SRI or some sort of sedative to calm my anxiety when approaching Rm. 4 instead of my usual Clostridium botulinum....

now go forth and google my friend so you can figure out just what im here for ;)

What the hell is THAT button for?!

Here I sit

So here I am... at Remedy... doing instant replay in my head. Trying to gather all these jumbled thoughts and feelings and place them back into their perspective pieces. In a way I am deathly afraid of stepping out of this place for fear of losing it entirely (yes, Im delaying the inevitable). Sigh.

I order a Chai (again) and thank Nate. He is especially aware of my somber state and gives me extra topping on my drink. I am tempted to purchase the entire cake in the showcase and go underground in the LRT and give it out to the homeless just to lift my spirits. I would say it eat but .. well... haha.. that so would not happen.

... for now I will throw myself into work and delay this awful feeling from growing.

Hurry Up

The hardest part of the saying "things happen for a reason" is waiting for that reason to come along...

Ughhh

My first Hanukkah

This was my first Hanukkah this year. I learned a lot. I even attended a service at the synagogue.  I must say- I'm intrigued with the Jewish way.  There is one day left. I will light a virtual candle as the menorah I have been lighting will not be accessible tonight.

To all- Happy Hanukkah or as they say in Hebrew...Chanukah Sameach!!!

Scared as hell

Being vulnerable sucks. Its scary. What is even more so is when others know how emotionally available you are and that in itself can be a daunting situation (for example- you dont know just what that other person will do or how they will respond to your vulnerability).

Im at a point in life where I recognize that when things become excessively fearful I run for the hills. If I come to a crossroads where there is a possibility of getting hurt I will often hurt myself and cut ties with the scenario to guard myself.

I'm learning that breathing is the first step to managing this little issue of mine... then perhaps wine. Lots of wine...

Slowing Down

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkL4FttgUC8&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Its the calm before the storm. I literally have 15 min left of free time and I realized I have not updated my blog in over a month.

Life has been on a full forced ride to the moon and I'm just heading back.

The opera was incredible. I met some amazing people and experienced some amazing things.

The heart gallery wrapped up and was a huge sucess. I thought I understood the reasoning behind it but it wasn't until I heard a panel of teens talk about WHY the reasons they want a family and what it's like being in the care of the province. It was heart wrenching. I cried.
The photos turned out wonderful and at the mini launch I was presented with a plaque and a thank you gift.  To be honest- seeing the excitement in the kids eyes when they sae their picture on a giant canvas was the best reward. Now hopefully- it will find them a home...

http://www2.canada.com/edmontonjournal/news/story.html?id=adf59457-3edf-459e-a80e-dd48deb5503e

http://www.cbc.ca/m/touch/canada/edmonton/story/1.2435960

!!!Moving Day!!!

So I am finally moving out of the hood today!!! Im beyond elated.  Cannot wait to relax and really unpack. The kids are so excited as well (Alexander requested that his bed be placed in the closet (boys room has a walk in). Emma asked for blue walls (blue, really?) and Dominic wishes for a fort in the pantry. Sigh. I have my work cut out for me. :)

Pre School Photos

I was asked to do pre school photos for a primary school in Sherwood Park. There are over 60 kids in the program and I have been super busy with editing as of late.... I am super excited however with how they are turning out!

Tune into CTV next week! They are hosting a interview for the heart gallery and I eill be featured! So excited!

True story.

Curve Ball

Just. Breathe.

What I want to do EVERY Sunday

So I got a tiny cut at Opera last week on the stage. Well.... Sir Flesh Wound got bigger. Then the swelling started. Now, I have a new friend 'Ivan' who will administer a strong dose of anitbiotics because I now have lymphagitis.

I could really use a chai at this moment.

Good Bye Salome

What an amazing production. I'm so sad it's over.  All in all it was said to be one of the most amazing opera's performed in Edmonton to date! I am so honored to be a part of it.