Facing Fears

One of my biggest fears is singing- or having someone hear me sing...

I don't even know why. It's always been there and I don't even remember when this fear started. I got annoyed at myself for this even being an issue so I made the decision to face it. Just like that.



So- Here goes.




PS- in NO WAY am I proclaiming to be a guitar player- I just started playing 2 weeks prior to this recording so no judgements- on either!

The outside World

 

There is something to be learned from today.

I had a weekend from hell (coles notes- I lost my marbles, Alexander had a relapse with his bowels again, and I made a very poor choice that caused me to really rethink some of my decisions as of late) and yesterday I needed a day of deflation. I needed to regroup, gather my thoughts and through what energy I had into something positive. So, I went to my new favorite coffee shop and started editing photos.

I must have been wearing my heart on my sleeve.

A complete stranger (a very cute one) came up to me and thought perhaps I was troubled.
He asked me.... "are you ok?"

I was taken back and startebd to smile immediately. I wasn't OK but I faked it.

I responded with "Im ok, Thank you".

After he left I asked myself what his motive was.

Then I thought. Perhaps there was none? And then I asked myself- when was the last time I really set aside myself from me and my world and cared to just watch and see what was going around me.

Sadly- its been too long. I think the world as a whole has this problem. We are so engrossed in our own lives that we haven't a clue what is going on around us. We have become oblivious creatures of habit- consumed by our "lives" that we forget to realize that we are indeed sharing a world. I think perhaps I should make a better effort to share....

I am serious when I say I wish to make a serious effort to step out of my box and really LOOK at the world around me. I all of the sudden feel like I'm missing out on something this gentleman is experiencing and feel a desire to experience more.

That, I can say, was officially the best part of my day. So thank you young man, for the realization and the impact you made.

My New Baby

Meet York.

He is one saucy fellow.

Dreams Have Expiration Dates by Tony Retrosi

DREAMS HAVE EXPIRATION DATES

When I was younger, ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS MAKE AN OLYMPIC TEAM. It wasn’t a far-fetched dream either; I was pretty good. But I got slower, and I got less motivated, and I had other interests. Sooner or later, it became clear that it wasn’t going to happen. My dream of being an Olympian had an expiration date, and expire it did.

I am admittedly one of those painfully hopeful people who believe that you should never give up on something that you really want. I think that far too many people go to the grave with regrets from not pursuing their dreams. It’s not that I believe that pursuing dreams will guarantee that they will come to fruition; I don’t. I simply believe that that giving your dream everything you’ve got is the only way to truly live with yourself.

Of course this idea is met with great cynicism. The messages that we consume often encourage us to quit, to give up; to be “realistic.” And many of us fall prey to these messages because chasing dreams often involves suffering and sacrifice. And suffering and sacrifice are not valued experiences, at least not anymore. We value comfort and we value it a lot. Turn on the television, log into Facebook, go for a walk outside, and all the messages are the same: Be as comfortable as possible.

In our naiveté, we mistake comfort for fulfillment and happiness. And in our effort to be as comfortable as possible, we start chipping away at our dreams. We tell ourselves that once we get enough money or enough experience or meet that right person or move to that right place, then and only then, will we give ourselves the chance. We are always looking for the perfect time to pursue our dreams and tomorrow always seems like the perfect time. Because tomorrow never dies. That is of course, until it does.

Look around you and look inside you. How many people do you think are settling? I will tell you: a hell of a lot of people. People are settling every day into okay relationships and okay jobs and an okay life. And do you know why? Because okay is comfortable. Okay pays the bills and gives a warm bed at night and allows one to go out with co-workers on a Friday evening to enjoy happy hour. But do you know what okay is not? Okay isn’t thrilling, it isn’t passion, it isn’t the reason you get up every day; it isn’t life-changing or unforgettable. Okay is not the reason you go to bed late and wake up early. Okay is NOT the reason you risk absolutely everything you’ve got just for the smallest chance that something absolutely amazing could happen.

You might not achieve what you set out to achieve when you pursue your dreams; there is a very real likelihood it won’t happen. But don’t you want to give yourself the chance while you can? Because even though you might not want to give up on your dreams, if you put if off long enough, your dreams could give up on you. Because dreams are not perpetual; they are temporary. Like many things in life, they have expiration dates. And when they expire all you might have left is your comfort. But you may find that your comfort will soon start to resemble regret. And as I’m sure you’ve heard before: regret is eternal.

How would you live your life if YOU had an expiration date?

Some questions I ask myself (yes, I know these are a little bleak)

Have I lived past my expiration date? Do I have anything left to contribute?
To contribute to society?
To contribute to my friends?
To contribute to the gymnastics community?
I once said, “if you’re not having fun what’s the point?”

Now I wonder if I’m not contributing what’s the point?



- See more at: http://www.gymmomentum.com/2013/08/07/dreams-have-expiration-dates/#sthash.EFIOPAte.2HKTOkA9.dpuf

Morning Jolt

I am unsure how functioning would be possible without this???

... says it all

Torn

I thought I would be ok.

I could fake it.

Every Breathe stings a little more.

Who am I kidding.

This is far more difficult than I could ever imagine

I shrug

A tear

Then another

My heart- so heavy

Stars

Will you every align?

Interesting Watch

Evolution Revisited

Borrowed from a fellow blogger.... I thought this was VERY interesting...

------------------------------

Now, I have been known on occasion to bury the lede somewhat in my blogs, so let me be upfront about this:

Lou Dobbs and his all-male panel on Fox Business are pretty deluded.

They have clearly watched that scene with the monkeys from the Dawn of Man in 2001-A Space Odyssey a few too many times, and have been struck with a severe case of Monolith Envy. Yes, they cried, Yes! Finally we can use the word "Science" for once, and appear oh so very smart! Hard-working women should have a complimentary relationship to men because Nature says so! And Nature's all Sciency! Right?

Yeah. Not so much.

There are many balanced perspectives on the pros and cons of four out of 10 breadwinners in family households being women, but none are to be found on Fox Business. Watching a collection of supposed experts trying to positively align the idealised (and increasingly narrow) vision of a conservative "nuclear family" and the natural world should be funny, but instead it's just deeply worrying.

True, the natural world and our primal ancestors may not have had to contend with a silly thing like female equality, but then again neither did they have to deal with the religious, theocratic and capitalistic influences upon which the American Family ideal was founded, so to cherry-pick male dominance from such a world apart, simply because it fits with your misogyny, insults not only women but intelligence itself. In the words of John Cleese "I'm suggesting we've made an advance."

We've made advances from human rights to racial equality to not letting children work in factories or imprisoning homosexuals. We have made advances since we first crawled out of the soup, and we have many many more advances ahead of us that we can't even fathom. We're not perfect at it of course, and we never will be, but we will always question our darkest instincts as animals and aspire to overcome our ignorance and our prejudice. That, too, is in our Nature.

Now, I won't say much more on this, I could point out every gaping hole in the logic displayed by Dobbs, Williams, Erickson and others, but every time I point one out, two more sprout up like a kind of affronted Hydra, so I'll leave that to the other people who were justifiably outraged and let them say it better than I can.

Let's be perfectly honest. I myself am not involved in the most masculine of occupations by many of your standards. But reality is- Your wife or girl friend still want me! I take care of myself, I am compassionate to their needs, I listen.  I'm just gonna write, sing and do stand up comedy and poke a little fun at those who have left themselves embarrassingly open to ridicule, and the nuances and subtleties of exactly how wrong these opinions are will not require my satire to be self-evident.

But that being said, and speaking as someone who knows far from everything, here's my one piece of advice for the Fox Business panel...

Just between us blokes:

On behalf of science-lovers everywhere, please please don't say the word Science when your Ideology is talking. It makes you look like an idiot.

From a fellow blogger...

Swing no More.... Wait... No... That Sounds terrible....

I'm tired of swinging at pitches.

 I seem to always get a great ball coming at me and then. ..boom..... turns out to be a curve. To hell with being the batter.

I'm going to start throwing my own pitches. 

And the person out in right field better be freaken awake.

The Best Smell on the Planet

Rain.

Hands down.

No wait...

Rain in the mountains.... sighhhh...

An amazing scent indeed.

Trust

Trust is a beautiful word for some.


For others- they shudder at the mere mention. 

I am not going to lie- I have been through a few situations where I have been decieved, lied to, or deluded. Take your pick. At the end of the day- Ya, it happened.

There is however this residule feeling of fear I now have. I never knew it was there until recently. I date. I doubt and perhaps I put a wall up. As I write this I remember a post I did about vulnerability...

SIgh....

Going back to read and remind... :)

Rescue the Ice Cream Please

I think I literally had a moment of realization today.

Walmart does not like me in the least.

Power went out- People went bat shit crazy and I stood there taking photos with my phone (yes, the flash was on).

I was asked to leave.

I then asked the lady if it meant that everything was 87.5% off because they were trying to recoop costs to pay the power bill.

She repeatedly asked me to leave.

I then asked if it would be okay to go to the freezer section and take a tub of icecream because I would hate to see it go to waste.

I then got escorted out.

Ok. Ok. 

Maybe I was pushing it?

BPOYD???

So ask yourself this....

What was the Best Part Of Your Day????

Indeed- This is True

You know the moment when something bad is happening

Stop and think... 

What the hell can you do to change things?

 Nothing... 

Ok then. 

Calm the hell down and eat a cupcake.