When Mustard Orange Tights Take the Stage

The thing about Iceland... the shopping is ... it fucking sucks.

I am in dire need of some retails therapy truth be told. My closet is being recycled over and over and I'm coming close to burning every sock I own (I love fun socks and the ones I own are quickly losing their appeal). Anyhow, I have done a lot of searching for online shops that ship from China (we have some free-trade agreement here that only requires us to pay a VLT tax)... still .. tax is tax.

I need a good 4 days home to just shop at winners and drink Starbucks. And buy razors. And pain killers and antacids cause those just are not available over the counter.

Christ- I sound like an old woman.

Gone... but never Forgotten

Jeff.

I never knew you. Never met you. I know a little about you though. You were a fantastic writer. You made two beautiful children. You have a gorgeous wife. A family who loves you and a brother who misses you something fierce. You left this earth far too soon. The people who knew and loved you wish for only a split second more. But... your time was up. Your expiration stamp was due and it was far too soon then anyone ever expected.

I often think you Jeff when Im reflecting on life and the direction it's taking. I think of your children who will remember you and turn to their family for more memories as their own become slightly cloudy. I then hope and pray that I've made memories to last a lifetime with my own children and I hope that my family and friends would do the same for me if I were in your wings. I then stop myself because I become terribly teary eyed as I think...time... it's never enough.

I then become reflective on my path in life.... in 10 years from now will I be happy being in the place I am now? In a year from now? In 4 hours from now. The answer is.... one can never know as one is forever evolving. BUT... I have a strong hunch it will be even better.

Jeff- thank you for motivating me to chose to live my moments with zest and fire. To love fiercely and to the fullest capacity. When I say I will do something- I mean it. When I want something I go after it. People always ask ' what's the hurry- there's time'.... I then whisper to myself...'perhaps not' as I recall your story. 

Thank you Jeff for teaching me to see the value in life and allowing me to not take advantage of the time I have. Thank you for opening my eyes to my OWN world and letting me see just how amazing it is.

Frustration

Im never usually one to complain nor am I one to voice concerns over my problems. Perhaps, that being said, is the problem.

Anyhow- today was a shit day. A toss up. My best friends brothers died a year ago and I wanted to be there for him... and I couldn't.  I fell completely ill at work causing me to run home to visit the WC for an extended time, I had a meeting from hell, my workout was shit and I never saw the boyfriend. Oh- and to top it all off... I think I was the crankiest woman on the island. I will blame that on my PMS.

Regardless- despite my shitty day I know one thing went well....
I got a kiss from my sweet little girls and she told me how much she loved me.

Emma- my love- you melt my heart.
......

An update... shortly after writing this the was a knock at my door. Turns out there were two best parts....

Cleaning Out the Emotional Rubbish

 I was once told that I was dragging quite a large suitcase full of.... emotional baggage. He said that I don't cut the strings of communication to people who no longer hold value in my life or care for me in the way they should. You know- this person was right. 

A close friend just ended a relationship because her significant other couldn't move on from his past and now she is deeply hurt and trying to move on. She felt second best. Inferior. Second-Rate. 

That got me thinking... who is still at the back of the burner... lingering. Sending random facebook messages or texts? People who I shut the door on but still allow to knock? 

 I never want to be in the position where I would hurt someone because I couldn't "let go" of the past. So- I took action and cleaned house. Got rid of all the baggage that lay on my doorstep.  

Good god what a liberating feeling.

Beautiful Silence

There is a couple in the corner at the coffee shop.

 They are obviously in love. 

The way she looks at him. The way he touches her cheek- The curve of her mouth turns up and her eyes grow brighter. He takes her hand and they are lost in each other. There are almost no words exchanged between the two. They are simply soaking in each others presence. He reaches over, caresses her cheek and kisses her deeply. Their eyes are locked and her hand touches his thigh and gives a slight squeeze. She gives him a devilish grin. He raises his eyebrows. She giggles a little. They are remembering the previous night. They are like this for about 20 min. The communication between the two of them is far more powerful than any verbal exchange. It is incredibly alluring and I find myself immersed in their world for a brief period. 

Incredible how powerful a connection can be based purely on acts of encoding and decoding wordless cues.